Even Glitter Turns To Ash
by Elphaba Fiyerobert
Summary: Adommy, angst, death flick, sexual contact, suicide warnings. Sequal to flick Remembering Sunday, Adam and Tommy have been married for years and lived a good life together, but suddenly all that changes in an instant. Not saying anymore would ruin it. Much love
1. Chapter 1

Even Glitter Turns To Ash.

Chapter One

Authors Note: This is a painful angsty death flick based after the story remembering Sunday, so if you have not read this flick please go and do so now.

Adam sat in his leather bound armchair staring out of the window. The rest of the apartment was in tattered ruins, ripped clothing on the floor, smashed glass from photos and ornaments littered the floor along with pieces of smashed furniture. The only untouched things in the room were the liquor cabinet, that single chair and the photograph in Adam's lap.

The door shuddered behind him, locked, bolted and chained to keep out world out, he couldn't face it anymore. He didn't want to go on, he couldn't not without the people he loved. A man could only take so much pain in his lifetime, as anyone could understand. Adam had been through so very much before this.

Such pain, anguish, but it had got better. He had fallen in love, married once section eight had been lifted. He and Tommy had been so very happy for so many years together. For the first time in his life, he had allowed himself to believe that things could get better for him. That someone could actually care for his worthless ass. That he could be loved, happy, have a good life with them. He should have known better, that happy ever after never lasts as long as you think it should.

Taking a long drag from the whisky bottle in his hand, glasses having been forgotten long ago the tears still falling staining his blood soaked silk shirt and the picture. He had been wearing that shirt for days now, ever since the accident. He knew that he should take it off and wash, but that's caked on blood was all he had left of them. His family unit, his whole world. He stroked the picture tenderly, it had been taken only a week before this. His mother, Tommy and their little adopted daughter Stephanie together at a family BBQ. She was only five years old, a little bundle of energy all curls and baby blue eyes. Spoilt rotten by both of her fathers, or had been.

Now she was gone, now they were all gone. And Adam? He was all alone with his guilt, if he had only been there maybe he could have stopped the accident happening. Maybe he could have saved them? Or maybe be would be gone as well, but at least they would still be together in the after life.

All because of his fucking father, that scumbag bastard! Adam had attacked him after, nearly put the arsehole in the hospital as well. He'd nearly ended up in jail if the police hadn't let him go on bail putting it down to grief. If he could get to the arsehole he'd have tried again, but that guy was going down for a very long time now after what he had done.

Now all Lambert had was the bottle and his agony to endure alone with. A pink fluffy bunny soft toy at his feet the little girl had dropped on her way to the car. A bunny rabbit that now had no owner, no one to hug and love him. Fresh sobs came from Adam's throat as he looked at the toy, and he decided that there was only one thing he could do now. He couldn't live without his family, so he was going to join them.

Calm set in as he decided that, now he had a course of action everything seemed so simple again. Cause and effect, you can't live without them, then why live at all? Why put yourself through it all just to lose what you can't be without again?

Adam rose stiffly from the chair, swaying so badly he could hardly walk after days just sat there drinking, not eating and hardly moving. Just drinking until he passed out, waking up and repeating the actions. He thought it was a few days, might have been longer it was so hard to tell anymore and it wasn't as if he cared enough to check. What was the point? Nothing left to care about anymore, no one to keep him off the wagon. Staggering to the bathroom, he managed to relieve himself with minimal mess, wash his hands and pull down the metal boxes high on top of the medical chest. Enough pills there to put him down forever, or so he hoped. He couldn't really face going to buy more to end it with, yeah it would do. He just couldn't face anything anymore, esp not that constant din. Like someone was banging on the door. Who was left to try and find him now? No one, it was just a dream he sighed.

Unsteadily Adam found his way back to his chair with the boxes of drugs. Finding a pen and paper he scribbled a brief suicide note, almost unreadable. Leaving it next to the photograph as he took the mixture that he hoped would take away the agony that he was feeling. Stave off that empty gaping void in his very soul that nothing could ever fill again. Nor did he want it to.

Adam drank slowly, letting a still calmness settle into his bones. The only thing stopping him from slipping under was that blasted banging, oh how he wished it would go away. He was so very drowsy now, all he wanted was to quieten the noise and sleep. The sleep of the dead. He wanted to get up and shove away whoever was being noisy, but he knew he was too far gone now.

Then with one last huge bang everything was finally silent at long last. Adam sighed in relief as his eyes finally fluttered closed and he could just drift away.


	2. Chapter 2

Even Glitter Turns To Ash

Chapter Two

It had been a completely normal day at first, Adam's mom had been babysitting for them so they could have a nice anniversary dinner together. Very drunk they were walking back through central park to the apartment, Tommy giggling in his arms. The blonde pulling him into the bushes for a grope and a kiss. Adam laughed it felt so good to have a few hours away from their daughter to be grown ups again. It had been a long few months touring, finding a babysitter as they carried her around with him everywhere.

Finding her in daddy's make up case covered in glitter and eye shadow. Adam had been horrified at the waste of all his favorites until Tommy started snapping pictures calling it Lady Lambert-Ratliff's first attempt at being a star. The next day they had bought her a load of child safe pretties to play with. At first she looked like a clown, but she was actually starting to show real promise. Always playing with her costumes backstage during the concerts. They knew sooner or later she would be on stage with them performing.

Oh what a memory, making out in those bushes, so full of love and passion. If Adam had known that was the last time the would ever be together he would have taken more time. Savored the moment a while longer, something, anything to make it more memorable then just a few drunken fumbles. But how could he have known what was gonna happen in a few hours time? No one could have surely? Not even in your worst nightmare could you have created it!

Still desperate for each others touch they had stumbled back towards their home knowing full well what they were gonna be doing when they got in. Kissing passionately every few steps not caring what people thought or said. This was a brave new world now, no gay person was an out law of love anymore. That was an amazing feeling, they had fought so hard for that all this time. So that no other kid had to be bullied like he had been for so damn long. So no other kid would be stuck on the ground spitting out teeth and blood after a beating for being queer.

Although there would always be homophobic people, the world was a much better place for his people now. It had been such a long hard road, but every time he saw a same sex couple walking down the street hand in hand or kissing he always felt a little rush of joy knowing he had been a part of that revolution. That he had helped to make this okay for everyone.

Adam's phone rang and he fumbled dropping it. Tommy laughed picking it up, "You drunk!" he teased. Flipping the phone open, "Mom everything okay at home?" He paled at the answer instantly sobering up at what was said. "Just get out and get to ours with Stephie NOW!" he ordered slamming the phone shut.

Adam grabbed it, "What's happened?"

"Your father, he came around arguing with her about the break up again. Shoving the fact he cheated in her face, seems that you have a half sister. She's pretty shaken and he was really drunk. Told her to stay at ours, sorry if I ruined your plans for tonight." He answered.

"Fucking hell, not Dada again? And a sister? Oh hell that's gonna take some time to sink in, I hope she's not a fan girl I couldn't cope. Screw our plans, more important our family is okay." Adam insisted.

"Never gonna make babies like that ya know?" Tommy teased.

Adam laughed, "Somehow I think motherhood would suit you. I would love to see a little baby bump growing on your skinny frame." Stroking the others belly tenderly.

"Now if only that was medically possible." He breathed stealing a kiss, "There's nothing I would like more then to carry your child, our child. Next campaign equal rights motherhood!"

They heard a screech outside, and a load crash on the road outside. Pushing out the door, an icy chill on his heart Adam already knew who was in that accident and that it was already too late. As they hit the street he saw his fathers number plate, he couldn't see the guy he had been drunk driving again clearly and oh Jesus yes that was mom's car that he had hit. Tommy rushed over to check them, while Adam dragged his father out of the wreck.

People were gathering around like sheep taking pictures, right now he could smash every damn phone. She he got away from the car he smelt petrol leaking. "Someone do something fucking useful stop tweeting and call 911!" he growled, checking the man's pulse. Passed out, but stabile enough, he wasn't badly hurt mores the pity. Adam looked over at Tommy trying to get into the mangled car, wriggling in through the window. He stood up to go and help them, but it was too late. As he stood an explosion rocked the sidewalk and he was slammed to the ground. Everything around him went black his ears ringing from the noise.

When he woke days later in hospital and they broke the news to him that his family was gone he had completely lost it demanding that they stop lying to him. They had been forced to sedate him, several times. Then the punch up with his father, and yet another deep sedation. They had tried to make him see the bodies for closure, but he just couldn't face it. Long weeks had been passed sat in that room blocking the world out, not talking to anyone, barely eating. Hell his brother had almost had him committed at least twice.

Then one day Adam had just woken up, picked up his stuff and discharged himself. Going home, he had slept a few hours in his own bed, but the nightmares had soon disturbed him. The sheets that still smelled of his sex kitten. Blonde hairs still on the man's hair brush, children's toys still all over the place. He could almost hear Stephanie's laughter echoing through the rooms, singing tunelessly to herself to one of Tommy's guitar melodies.

Then the place just seemed so empty, so barren without them. At first he had been angry and started breaking things, then tears then sleeping too much, and finally the drink and self mutilation and here we are full circle watching Adam slipping into his final rest unless there was a miracle.

Then again, maybe this was a time for miracles.


	3. Chapter 3

Even Glitter Turns to Ash

Chapter Three

Tommy woke in the hospital groggy, singed hair and a few skin grafts to his name, to see Neil at his bedside. "What happened?" he wheezed.

"Mom and Stephanie are gone." He said softly, "I'm so sorry."

Tommy shuddered, "My little girl."

Neil rested a hand on his shoulder and let the blonde cuddle up until the shaking and tears passed. "I am sorry, I truly am you guys didn't deserve that."

Sniffing much harder when he pulled away, "Adam is he okay?"

Neil sighed, "He is fine in body, but in mind he's destroyed. Locked away in his room and won't let anyone in."

Tommy looked confused, "Why isn't he here with me?" He knew in his heart that how ever he felt inside he wouldn't have left his lovers side, then it dawned on him slowly. "Adam thinks I am dead too."

Neil nodded, "He was in such a mess after he found out and you were in a coma. They didn't think you were gonna make it, that you would die without ever waking up. I couldn't take seeing him that way again, couldn't watch him breaking a second time. Tommy he's been frigging sedated the whole damn time. He wants to be dead too and I don't know how to reach him. I don't know how to help him, we've stopped him killing himself twice now!"

"Where is he?" the blonde demanded, "I gotta get to him, how long since the accident?"

"A few weeks now, I don't think they are gonna let you just walk out of here." He sighed.

"Watch them stop me when the kitten roars!" he snapped.

Sure enough an hour later the very worse for wear, tired looking angry kitty had screamed at every nurse and doctor he had found until they agreed to allow him out on day release as long as he came back for more tests. Neil helped him to the car, "You really aren't well enough for this."

"Adam needs me, I could feel him screaming for me the whole time I was asleep. When he is okay again, then I will rest." Tommy insisted grouchily.

His brother in law could see he wasn't gonna get anywhere, so he nodded and drove them back to the apartment. "The key is gone from under the mat, I don't have one he snatched it back from me when I tried to get in." he mused.

Tommy nodded, "Adam had my key too, I always lose them when I'm drunk." He hammered on the door shouting loudly. Peering through the window he saw the trashed state of the front room, and the back of Adam's head lolling to the side strangely. They had to get inside there before it was too late. Tommy hammered at the window and then belted back to the door. "Adam let us in baby please!" he shouted as he kept on banging.

He didn't believe in God, never had, but today he prayed for help. That one member of his family was gonna still be alive tomorrow. He'd already lost his mother in law and his baby girl, he couldn't take losing the love of his life as well. He wouldn't permit that, he'd do whatever it took to save him. He battered his shoulder into the door over and over trying to break it down but he was just too weak still. Neil touched his shoulder and in synch battered the door with him until the lock gave out.

Tommy rushed inside picking his way over the rubble, "What happened here?" He had never known Adam have much of a temper. Or let loose like this in all the time he had known him and they were together. Random violence was his way of coping with shit, not his lovers. Adam was always the calm, stabile person in the relationship. He was so laid back if he was anymore relaxed he would fall over. There wasn't a single aggressive bone in his body, at least there never used to be.

He stooped to pick up a piece of paper with a scrawled note waffling about he was worthless, couldn't live without his family, couldn't take being alone in the world. Talking about being a monster, a sick disgusting freak that never deserved love. That he just wanted to be with those he loved once again. He'd do anything for a single second with them again, even die there was no other way for him now to be with them.

Then the blonde noticed the pill pots on the floor as well as the whisky bottles. He reached over and checked Adam's pulse. Weak, but still there. He looked a right mess, cuts deep into his arms, wearing the blood soaked shirt from the accident and he stank. Opening Adam's eyes, pupils were very dilated. He was higher then Hades and deeply slumbering on all the cocktail he had taken. "Get as much salt water as you can and a bucket." He ordered, pulling his husband into a sitting position. Slapping his face a few times to try and wake him.

When Neil came back with a jug of the salty drink and a glass he opened Adam's mouth and poured it down his throat. Rubbing his neck until the man swallowed, repeating the action until he had drunk several glasses of the mixture. His brother paced the floor, "Shouldn't we call 911?" he demanded.

"DO you think that Adam wants to be found like this? What it would do to his career and his mental state to be dragged through the mill like this?" Tommy demanded, "I've been through some serious benders before, I can do this I promise. I am not gonna give up on him!"

"He is my brother!" Neil snapped.

"My mother fucking husband and all I have left in the world so shut the fuck up!" he retorted. Holding Adam's hand waiting for the potion to work on him.

Long moments later Adam's body spasmed and he groaned loudly as the sickness hit. Seconds after that he keeled over as Tommy shoved the bucket into his hands as the other started throwing up violently. Tommy held him tightly, comforting him as the sickness rode his bones. Letting him rinse his mouth out when it eventually passed. The guy was still completely out of it, head lulling onto Tommy's shoulder. "Kitty." He slurred, "Gonna be with you again soon enough. Never gonna leave your side again, I promise."

"Adam you gotta wake up baby, you gotta fight to be with me." He begged.

"Sleepy." He mumbled burning his face into the blonde's chest breathing in his scent. "Missed you."

"Go and run a cold shower as cool as possible and then help me with him." Tommy asked.

Neil rushed to obey and between them they dragged his ass to the bathroom and stripped him naked. His brother took the clothes to throw away as Tommy bodily held him under the cold water shivering himself.

"What the hell!" Adam exploded trying to scramble back out again as he was held even more tightly under the water. "Let me out!" he demanded.

"Not until you sober up!" Tommy insisted from the other side of the shower curtain.

Deathly silence, "Thomas Joseph Ratliff Lambert, you are meant to be dead." Adam commented quietly.

Tommy pulled back the curtain gently, turning off the water and wrapping a towel around his shocked lover. He stroked his face gently, "Well I'm not baby. I can't bring back your mom, or our little girl, but I am never leaving you again for the rest of our lives."

Adam stared at him not able to believe what he was seeing, but still leaning instinctively into the soft caress of his husband's fingers. "I'm dreaming." He mumbled.

Tommy shook his head, "I was in a coma dying I think, but I heard you screaming for me and I woke up. I had to get to you, I just had to. I couldn't leave you alone, I couldn't let you die too!" Tears falling silently down his cheeks, "You held me and never let go when my dad died, I'm gonna be right here with you through all of this."

"You aren't fucking real, Tommy is DEAD!" Adam snapped, pushing him away roughly.

"Oh really, then I can't do this if I am dead!" Tommy slammed him into the damp wall of the shower and pulled him into the steamiest longest adommy fever style kiss since Amsterdam. Claiming every single micro centimeter of the raven's mouth. Without even thinking Adam's arms wrapped around him returning the heated embrace needing so badly to feel something again. "Trust me." Tommy pleaded, "Trust and feel that this is real." Rubbing his fingers down his lovers neck just how he liked.

The lustful expression in Adam's eyes turning to shock and then floods of tears as he collapsed into the blondes arms as it sunk in slowly that he wasn't actually alone after all. What he had nearly done to them both.


End file.
